Colored Blind Another Red vs Blue Story
by MHM616
Summary: War? Who needs it when you have friends. Rated T for language
1. Chapter 1

Colored Blind another Red vs. Blue Tale

By MHM

Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue or Halo. So yeah…

_**Episode 1**_

(Out front of Blue Base)

Mastro: _Role Call_

McLaughlin: Why are you talking like that?

Mastro: _This is my role call voice! I always talk like this for ROLE CALL!_

Ford: Are you drunk?

Mastro: Maybe

(Pause)

Mastro: _ROLE CALL!_

Ford: Private First Class Ford! Sir!

McLaughlin: Private McLaughlin! Sir!

Jeff: Jeff

Mastro: _Jeff? Who the hell is Jeff?_

Jeff: I'm new, I just got sent here from Command. I don't want to be here.

Mastro: _Your name is just "Jeff"? No rank?_

Jeff: Nah, I enlisted to get away from my girlfriend.

McLaughlin: Mom

Jeff: You know what? Fuck you.

Mastro: _So what's your first name Jeff?_

Jeff: Jeff.

Mastro: _Your name is Jeff Jeff? I see why you left home._

Jeff: No that's my first name.

Mastro: _So what's your last name?_

Jeff: Does it matter?

Mastro: _I suppose not. But what is it?_

Jeff: Why do you want to know?

Mastro_: I wanna make sure you're not French. I will not stand for my soldiers surrendering to anyone that asks politely. This is Blue team. Our flag will remain blue I know how much them frenchies like white._

Jeff: Ya well I didn't fill out that part of the signup sheet.

Mastro: _Ok "Jeff" welcome to BLUE TEAM!_

Jeff: I'd say I'm glad to be here, but I'm not.

Ford: Oh we are not going to be friends.

Jeff: I'm sorry do I look like someone would give a flying fuck about your needs?

Ford: Well your cyan colored armor suggest your kinda a bitch so ya basically.

Jeff: Hmm we might be friends.

Ford: Score!

Mastro: _Well I'll see you ladies in 0200 hours for mission debriefing_. (Leaves)

McLaughlin: Your French aren't you?

Jeff: Oh ya 100%.

(At Red Base)

Fish Men gather round. I am planning an attack against the Blues

(Hollis with her hand raised/jumps up and down)

Fish: Yes Private Hollis what is it?

Hollis: You called us men

Fish: Ok?

Hollis: None of us are men

Fish: What about George?

George: My first name is not George

Fish: Really?

George: Yes really. What kind of idiot uses their first name in a war?

(Shows Jeff and Ford)

Jeff: Did you say something?

Ford: What no why?

Jeff: I thought someone was talking about me

Ford: Nope Jeff your crazy

(Back to Red Base)

Fish: So what's your first name?

George: Victoria. So yes we are ALL girls

Fish: Great just great

Smith: What is that supposed to mean?

Fish: Nothing absolutely nothing

Smith: Damn straight nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue or Halo. So yeah…

_**Episode 2**_

(Still at Red base)

Smith: Damn straight nothing

Fish: Right ok anyways we are going to attack the Blues today

Hollis: Why?

Fish: Because we are fighting them… in a war

Hollis: But why attack them, they never attacked us

Fish: Yes so this gives us the upper hand

Hollis: But attacking them could get us hurt. They could fight back and be better than us.

Smith: Yes and if you do get hurt then we might be able to get someone less annoying

Fish: Yes someone more manly too

George: More manly? What like more of a man than you what are you gay or something?

Fish: No that's not what I meant, I meant…

Smith: Who cares what you meant… Don't ask don't tell right? ... No one here cares

Hollis: I care

Smith: No you don't Hollis, no you don't

Hollis: Oh I don't care then

George: Moving on

Fish: Right so Private Hollis and Private First Class Smith you will sneak around the island via the beach and George and I will

George: PRIVATE George

Fish: Right we will move along the top level of the island so that we can cut off all of their escape routes.

(Fish and George Walk away)

Smith: Hollis you go right and I'll go left

Hollis: But then we're not together

Smith: Exactly

Hollis: But, but he said we should go together to cut off their escape

Smith: Yes and by us not being together we can do an even better job of that.

Hollis: OK!

(Smith leaves (left) Hollis leaves (left))

Smith: Wrong way

Hollis: I knew that don't think I didn't know that

Smith: Then go

Hollis: Right

(Hollis crosses the screen and leaves (right))

(At Blue base with Ford and McLaughlin)

Ford: Okay, truth or dare?

McLaughlin: Oh, I don't know… I'm gonna have to say…

Jeff: What the hell are you two doing?

Ford: Playing truth or dare and its McLaughlin's turn!

McLaughlin: Truth!

Jeff: You two are so gay.

McLaughlin: FALSE.

Mastro: What are you ladies doing?

McLaughlin: FALSE.

Mastro: False what?

Ford: We are playing truth or dare!

Mastro: Okay… anyone knows what the Red Team is up to?

Ford: Nope. Not a clue.

Mastro: Let's form an attack!

Jeff: Does this mean that I have to do something?

Mastro: Yes, Jeff. Yes is does.

Jeff: Crap.

Mastro: Okay! Me and Jeff will move on the top level while Kyle and Kyle move along the beach.

McLaughlin: Which Kyle? Me Kyle or Him Kyle?

Mastro: Both of you.

McLaughlin: Which way do we go?

Jeff: Who cares? Just pick a side!

McLaughlin: Oh! Oh! I'll pick the right side!

(McLaughlin runs off to the left)

Ford: Did he just go left?

Mastro: Yep. Just go right.

Ford: Okay!

(Ford runs off to the right)

Mastro: Jeff, come with me. We're going up high.

(With Hollis walking on the beach)

Hollis: I'm walking on the beach~ do, do, do, doo~ Be-cause Smith told me to~ do, do, do, doo~ wait… where do I know that from?

McLaughlin: Freeze!

Hollis: Oh! I have ice back at my base! Oh… wait… I left it out of the freezer… Oh! I have water back at the base!

McLaughlin: We're on an island. We are surrounded by water.

Hollis: Well then why did you say freeze?

McLaughlin: Cause I wanted you to stop…?

Hollis: Oh, then why didn't you say stop?

McLaughlin: Because it's military talk.

Hollis: Why are you talking like you're in the military?

McLaughlin: Because we are in a war.

Hollis: We're in a what?


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue or Halo. So yeah…

_**Episode 3**_

Hollis: We're in a what?

McLaughlin: A war.

Hollis: When was someone gonna tell me this?

McLaughlin: You're wearing armor and you're carrying a gun. I'm pretty sure they just assumed you knew.

Hollis: What? I thought this was a purse! I've been putting all of my make up in it.

McLaughlin: Ya, sure. I'm supposed to be killing the red team… Which means you

Hollis: But- but I'm not red!

McLaughlin: Ya you are.

Hollis: No! I am pink! And you're purple. Wait! Are you a girl, too?

McLaughlin: What? No!

(With George and Fish on top of the island)

George: Dude what are those?

Fish: What is what?

George: Those people- over… there!

Fish: I'm going to take a jump at this… and say that they are people.

George: No Shit. I meant who are they?

Fish: I don't know, but I just hope that one of them is a boy.

George: That's gay and somewhat sexist.

Fish: It's not gay and it's not sexist.

George: Dude, I think they are blue!

Fish: Shoot at them!

(Fish and George start shooting at Mastro and Jeff)

(With Smith at the blue base)

Smith: Where the hell is everybody?

(Smith keeps walking and eventually finds Hollis and McLaughlin)

Smith: Oh shit! Blues!

(Smith hides behind a rock and starts shooting at McLaughlin's feet)

McLaughlin: What the fuck

(Hollis runs between them)

Hollis: Stop shooting he's not a blue he's purple

Smith: Hollis move you're in the way

Hollis: But he's not blue

Smith: Purple is a shade of blue

Hollis: Yes but it's also a shade of red

Smith: Ok then let's ask him… Yo purple guy-

Hollis: He's a girl

Smith: Okay purple girl what team are you on?

McLaughlin: IM NOT A GIRL and I'm on the Blue team

Smith: See Hollis he's not our friend

Hollis: If he wasn't our friend then why didn't he shoot at me?

McLaughlin: Because I'm lazy and don't care

(They hear gun shots coming from above they all run to the top level of the island)

Smith: What's happening?

Fish: Get down

(A full four on four battle breaks out but no one gets shot and the Red team falls back after running out of ammo. Back at Red base)

George: What was the point of all this?

Fish: Calling Red Command, Red Command do you copy?

Voice: This is Red Command what may be the problem

Fish: We're under attack we need reinforcements; we've already lost a man

Smith: We lost a man?

Voice: We will send you reinforcements


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue or Halo. So yeah…

_**Episode 4**_

Hollis: Why did you lie to the voice?

Fish: Because I need more men on this team

Hollis: But why did you lie?

Fish: Because they would never send me reinforcements if they knew the teams were even

Hollis: Why?

Fish: Because then we may abuse our power

Hollis: Why?

Fish: Because we would have more men

Hollis: You mean women

Fish: I'm using men in the general term

Hollis: Why?

Fish: Because it's easier

Hollis: Why?

Fish: Because

Smith: Oh for the love of God, Shut up

Hollis: Why?

(Blue Base)

(Over the Radio)

Voice: We will send you reinforcements

Ford: Sir the Red team is getting reinforcements

Jeff: So?

Mastro: We need to form a plan of attack

Jeff: So?

Mastro: We need to win this war

Jeff: So?

Mastro: If you say so one more time I will shoot you myself Jeff, Jeff.

Jeff: Yes sir thank you sir

Mastro: Is there something wrong with him?

(Tony leaves)

Kyle: Yeah he's French

(Red Base)

Fish: Where are those reinforcements?

George: You called an hour ago, they may be fast but they're not that fast

Hollis: Who did they say they were sending?

Fish: An Agent Romeo

Hollis: Oo I hope he's cute, no hot, no both.

Fish: I just hope he shows up

(Blue Base)

Mastro: Any suspicious activity over at the Red base?

Jeff: Nope

Ford: That's a pistol. How can you even see anything?

Jeff: I can't. I'm just telling him what he wants to hear

(Molly walks up to them)

Agent Sierra: Tones

Mastro: Molly. What are you doing here?

Agent Sierra: I intercepted one of Spencer's assignments and because the two of us are not on speaking terms at the moment I took it.

McLaughlin: Sarge you know her?

Mastro: Yeah we're practically siblings

Jeff: Too bad we have to shoot her

Agent Sierra: What?

Jeff: We didn't call for reinforcements the other team did

Agent Sierra: Really? … Oh yeah it does say red team well…

(Flash grenade and she's gone)

(Red Base)

Fish: How long have we been waiting?

Smith: An hour and one minute

Fish: This is unbearable

Hollis: Can't wait until your man friend comes?

Fish: Yes

Hollis: Gay

(Molly walks up)

Agent Sierra: Agent Si-Romeo reporting for duty, Sir

Hollis: Ha she said duty

Fish: No!

Agent Sierra: What's wrong?

Fish: You're a girl

Agent Sierra: What's wrong with that?

Fish: I'm surrounded by fucking girls. And none of them know how to use a gun

Smith: Excuse me

George: I'm nonviolent

Hollis: Mine has make-up in it

Agent Sierra: Well I am a Special Agent so I think I know how to use a gun

Hollis: Why is your shooter thingy so big?

Agent Sierra: You mean my gun?

Hollis: Yeah your goon

Agent Sierra: Is she the one that got killed?

Smith: No, no one got killed. Captain Fish just wanted a man in his life

Agent Sierra: That's a little gay

George: Tell us about it

Fish: I'm Not Gay I Just Want Some Man Power

(Fades out then back in)

Agent Sierra: This is a waste of time. Why am I here?

Hollis: Because our Captain lied

Agent Sierra: And why did he lie?

Hollis: So we have the upper hand against the enemy

Agent Sierra: And who is your enemy?

Hollis: The Blue Team

Agent Sierra: And are there aliens on the Blue team?

Hollis: NO!

Agent Sierra: Then Why Are We Fighting Them?

Hollis: Because they are Blue!

Agent Sierra: That was a rhetorical question

Hollis: False

Agent Sierra: Oh god I'm surrounded by idiots

(Molly finds Dean crouched in a corner crying)

Agent Sierra: Are you crying?

Fish: No (Sniff)

Agent Sierra: Aw whass do madder Cappy?

Fish: I'm surrounded by girls who don't realize we're in a war

Agent Sierra: That's not their fault

Fish: They signed up

Agent Sierra: They were recruited and as their Captain it's your job to make them fighters. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and man up

(Spencer walks up)

Agent Romeo: Agent Romeo reporting for duty, Sir

Agent Sierra: Shit


End file.
